By Charmaine Mercer
INSTINCTS operate a lot like streetlights that magically seem to switch from green to yellow to red, or not, depending upon the time of the day, weight of a car, number of pedestrians, etc. No one fully understands how the system works but we know that it does. That is kind of how our three instincts — self-preservation, sexual, and social — operate. Like animals, we each have 3, and the ranking of the 3 is unique to the individual. The instincts are believed to develop during formative years and help us stay alive. The instincts deeply shape who we are, what we prioritize, and how we lead.
Instincts, while invisible, help explain what we prioritize, pursue, and protect as humans.
People who have a self-preservation (SP) instinctual drive prioritize material safety, well-being, and resources. It is common for these individuals to pay attention to food, money, time, and space. They are often the ones ensuring everyone else has what they need to function well.
Those with a Sexual instinct, or One-to-One (SX), engage intensely, bring depth, and offer passion in individual relationships and experiences. These individuals can be charismatic, attentive and intense. They are notably aware of details and connections; may prefer individual conversations over group networking.
Individuals in the Social group (SO) are attuned to the needs of the group, aware of relationships, dynamics, and hierarchy, and concerned about connections and norms. These people naturally read the room and feel a deep, sometimes physical connection to fairness and collective well-being.
The instincts and stacking are not ranked, so no one is better or worse; just different. What is important to understand is how the stack influences your leadership and decision-making.
Because our instincts are below our conscious level, understanding how they influence our leadership requires intention. How does one understand what they cannot see?
One approach to identifying your unique pattern is the IEQ9 Enneagram assessment which offers information about your instincts, among other self-knowledge. The assessment determines your instinctive stack (order of 3 instincts) and provides a visual representation. For example, my stack is social-sexual-self-preservation; I have a strong proclivity towards my first two instincts, and my last one, like most people, is neglected or repressed.
What this means for my leadership is that I am naturally oriented to think about what is best for the collective; without any active thought, my first response will be to focus on the needs of the group. I tend to work very collaboratively, involve people in processes where hierarchy might otherwise preclude participation, and challenge unfair norms. These are common attributes for someone with a social orientation. I have received positive feedback from the people I manage about my warm and inclusive style. Imagine this instinct in action, as animals moving in herds — what actions would one take to keep the herd moving harmoniously?
When my Social instinct is at its best, we all benefit because I authentically work to achieve outcomes that work for the greatest number. But what happens when this instinct is not at its best? The negative effects of a social orientation are hyper-awareness of social dynamics and reputation, being exhausted and withdrawing from groups and social situations. When I am not at my best, I can become highly idealized, self-righteous even, and judge others who do not share my ideas and opinions. As someone who advocates for equity and justice, this is something that I am particularly sensitive to. It is easy for the oppressed to become the oppressor if we are unwilling to consider others’ ideas. No matter how right I believe I am, it is imperative that I always leave space for others. So, I have a regular practice of consulting people with diverse and differing views, who readily share their perspectives, even when they differ from mine.
While it’s important to notice all 3 instincts, one of the instincts is overlooked or repressed; it gets less attention. The repressed instinct is the area that gets less priority or attention in your life, without intention. For me, it’s self-preservation; I am less concerned about conserving time, money, energy, or other resources. In fact, this instinct is so repressed, there are times when I am in social settings, or deeply engaged in a conversation, when I can forget to eat. Something so seemingly basic — and something that I truly enjoy doing, I should add — I forget when I am pursuing social connections or engaged in a deep exchange. As a facilitator, I ask colleagues to review drafts of agendas because I overlook breaks in exchange for more time for shared experiences.
While this is my pattern, each instinct carries its own makeup — its own gifts and its own shadows. For example, an SP-first leader might economize resources and anticipate risk but scarcity can fuel over-caution and stymie innovation. An SX-first leader brings depth and magnetism to relationships but may struggle with intensity that others find overwhelming. We each have our own pattern; the self-examination it requires is the same. Being aware of the complexities that instincts carry is an important aspect of leadership.
At the same time, it is important to be aware of your instincts, knowledge alone is not enough. Identifying the places where behaviors and beliefs are not serving your leadership, and designing practices to support your development, are the next steps. That’s the work I do with leaders at Wit and Wisdom Collaborative.
© 2025 Wit and Wisdom Collaborative | All Rights Reserved | Website and Branding by Stephanie Cariker
